


sew me a sail

by Mr_Phich



Series: everyone needs a chance to be small [10]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bed-Wetting, Brothers, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Clint Needs a Hug, Daddy!Steve, Diapers, Families of Choice, Family Bonding, Jealousy, Little!Bucky - Freeform, Non-Sexual Age Play, Relationship Negotiation, little!Clint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-15 07:38:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7213597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mr_Phich/pseuds/Mr_Phich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe it wasn’t enough to have a Daddy. (Clint reacts to Bucky.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	sew me a sail

**Author's Note:**

> Wednesday one-shot for your enjoyment! You guys prompted this one with all of your lovely, thoughtful, and observant comments on this story. So give yourself a pat on the back and a cookie! Extra special kudos go to [sarahnotduck](http://archiveofourown.org/users/singforabsolution/pseuds/sarahnotduck) for being an enabler. (If you haven't read her little!Clint story you're seriously missing out.) 
> 
> This story is set during i dwell, starting in chapter five and finishing sometime in chapter seven.

 

_Needles and pins,_

_Needles and pins,_

_Sew me a sail_

_To catch me the wind._

_Sew me a sail_

_Strong as the gale,_

_Carpenter, bring out your_

_Hammers and nails._

_Hammers and nails,_

_Hammers and nails,_

_Build me a boat_

_To go chasing the whales._

_Chasing the whales,_

_Sailing the blue_

_Find me a captain_

_And sign me a crew._

_Captain and crew,_

_Captain and crew,_

_Take me, oh take me_

_To anywhere new._

  


When Clint got back from playing with Steve (and Bucky) that first day, he didn’t say a word to Phil before disappearing into the guest room and scaling the rock wall to his nest. Tucked up into the corner of the room, up against the ceiling, it was almost as good as the vents. It was tight and secure and had the benefit of being filled with pillows and blankets. Clint crawled under them, blocking out the light and valiantly tried not to cry.

He hated Bucky. He wanted Steve back the way he was before, just for Clint. Always just for Clint, whenever Clint needed him even if it was the middle of the fucking night, he wanted to know he could call Steve, because Steve was fucking Daddy and Clint didn’t know how to handle life anymore without him, he just didn’t. And he knew that made him pathetic and a loser, but he couldn’t help it. Steve had been his for almost two years now and Clint needed him.  And he didn’t want to share. He knew that was selfish, but he didn’t care.

He just wanted Bucky to go away. But he also didn’t, because Steve loved Bucky (probably more than he loved Clint, probably more than he loved anyone) and Clint didn’t want his Daddy to be sad. He just wanted his family back, safe and the same as it had been. It was just all too much. And Bucky had seen so much of Clint, too, more than anyone but Steve ever got to see.

Clint hadn’t been little in so long though, he’d slipped as soon as he was in Daddy’s arms, and then it was just easier to just be little, to let Daddy worry about those things, to not worry about big scary feelings. But, fuck, Clint had gone and showed Bucky his fucking spaceship printed diapers - Phil didn’t even know about those because they were embarrassing. They were so little and such a silly thing to want, even though Daddy never said so, but Clint knew they were anyway. And they’d all slept in the same bed, all cuddled up together, and it was just all so much. Clint didn’t know what to do with everything he was feeling - embarrassment and jealousy and anger and guilt and grief and he wanted Daddy to fix it but he couldn’t ask, because Steve was with Bucky because Bucky needed him. Bucky deserved to have Steve more than Clint ever had. Clint sniffled, and wiped tears off his face. He tried to hold onto big because he was home with Phil and Phil might be more comfortable than he had been, but that didn’t mean he wanted to be around little Clint.

Clint pushed all the hard feelings back into his brain and decided that a rest was in order. Sometimes sleep helped him switch headspaces a little better and anyway, it would give him a break from feeling all this shit. Knowing better than to sleep in his nest (a pain to clean) when he wasn’t sure about his headspace, Clint carefully clambered down. Phil was seated at his desk in the living room, going over some paperwork.

“I’m gonna pass out for a bit,” Clint called to his partner. Phil smiled softly and nodded. He usually left Clint alone on days that he’d been little, knowing that Clint tended be more sensitive and needed space to fully shift back. Clint closed the bedroom door gently behind him. With a flush he slipped into the bathroom. He stripped out of his sweats and boxers and emptied his bladder. Hesitantly he pulled out a pull up. Clint glared down at it. Usually he didn’t wear these things when he was big, but he’d been having so many - issues right after Bucky got back that he and Steve and Phil had decided he should for a little bit. That had been a month ago, but Clint was still stressed out and fucked up and he still wore them every night, just in case, because he hated having to wake  Phil up, or worse, having Phil wake Clint because he’d wet the bed. It was humiliating and awful on every level. Clint fucking hated that he still did this. It’d been a lot better before Bucky came back (yet another reason to be angry at stupid Bucky), and Clint had barely been having any wet nights when he was big. And he’d almost stopped having daytime issues, but now those were back too and Clint hated stupid fucking Bucky, because Steve and Clint had figured out how to stop it and now Bucky was wrecking it and Clint didn’t want to need fucking pull ups when he was big, he really didn’t.

But he knew better when he was feeling so out of sorts so he pulled them on, quickly covering them with his sweats and chucking his boxers into the laundry chute. He slipped into bed, wished he was still with Daddy (and that Bucky was far away) and fitfully fell asleep.

*

Phil woke him later with a gentle touch to the shoulder. Clint blinked open his eyes.

“Come on, it’s lunch time and Steve’s going to be there.” _What?_ Steve was going to be there? But what about Bucky? Clint yawned, cracked his neck and climbed out of bed. At least he felt pretty big now. He felt kinda guilty about he’d been acting earlier. Clint gathered a pair of boxers and jeans and let Phil know he’d be out in a moment. Phil didn’t bring up the need to change, and Clint was grateful.

Really, he should feel grateful for Steve too, for all the things he did for Clint, things that he’d done generously and without question. I went way above and beyond Steve’s responsibilities - as friend or as team leader. Steve had kept Clint sane and now he was just trying to do the same for Bucky. Who was Clint to be fucking jealous over that?

Clint felt guilty all through lunch, guiltier when he realized how hard Bucky had crashed after Clint had been there. Jeez, there Clint was feeling all mopey because he had to fucking share when Bucky was trying to recover from seventy years of torture. Clint felt really fucking shitty about that, and it must have shown on his face when they got back to the rooms, because Phil all but ordered him to go work his feelings out on the range.

Clint came back sweaty and exhausted and was thrilled to find that Phil had cooked dinner, meaning they didn’t have to go socialize with the team. Clint showered and ate quickly, still aching with guilt and shame over his reaction to Bucky. He was collapsed on the couch, thinking about calling Steve and letting him know that he could go a bit longer without playing when Phil held out his cell to him.

Clint quirked an eyebrow at his partner.

“It’s Steve. I don’t know what’s going on, but you weren’t yourself today so I called him.” Clint blushed and protested but Phil just glared him into submission. Clint took the phone meekly and Phil promptly vanished into the bedroom, giving Clint privacy.

“Hello,” Clint said quietly.

“Hey pal,” Steve said, voice quiet. “Phil said today wasn’t so good. Can you tell me what’s up?”

Clint felt all his earlier feelings erupt in his chest again, caught there by the net of guilt and shame. He shook his head and then remembered Steve couldn’t see him and opened his mouth to say no. Instead a choked little sob came out.

“Oh, bud,” Steve said gently. Clint could hear Steve moving around on the other end of the line, and he wondered where Steve was, if he was sitting next to Bucky, and petting his hair, or cuddling with him and if Bucky was there listening.

“I want him to go away!” Clint said suddenly, surprising himself. The guilt swelled again and he immediately followed with, “I’m sorry Daddy, but I don’t want him. I want him to go away because you love him more and it’s not fair, Daddy, it’s not fair. I need you. I -” Clint was overcome with sobs.

“Baby, oh baby. I’m so sorry. I wish I was there to give you a big hug. You’re right, this isn’t fair at all, not to anyone. But I want you to know I absolutely do not love Bucky more than you. I love you both so so much. I love you more than I could ever say.” Clint heaved in breath for more sobs, shaking his head. He didn’t deserve Daddy, not like Bucky did. “I know this is so hard, Clint. But I can’t make Bucky go away. He has a home here, same as you.”

Clint sniffed and whimpered, “Nuhuh. Bucky is better than me, he’s not so broken an’ he doesn’t need t’be little or nothin’.”

“Clint,” Daddy interrupted carefully. “That’s just not true, and I need you to listen to me, okay. But I need you to take a couple big breaths, baby, alright? Can you do that for Daddy?”

Clint would do anything for Daddy so he sniffled again and took one breath and then another until he felt a little calmer.

“Good boy,” Daddy praised and Clint felt his heart get all warm because Daddy thought he was good. “Now you remember that Bucky got really upset this afternoon, right?”

Clint felt bad all over again, because he’d made that happen by being there, he had, no matter what Daddy said.

“Bucky was so upset because he thought I loved you more.”

 _What?_ But Daddy could never love anyone as much as he loved Bucky, because Bucky had been around forever and- and - but if Bucky thought, then maybe? Maybe Daddy did love him that much? Daddy would never lie to him, not ever, and if Daddy said he loved them the same amount, maybe he really really did?

It was hard to believe, even though Clint knew Daddy would never lie to him.

“And,” Daddy continued, “Bucky said he might want to be little too.” Clint’s brain stopped working. He’d never known anyone else who was little, not ever. He knew (sorta) that other people did, that he wasn’t the only one, but that didn’t feel _real_. He felt like it was dirty and dark and selfish, though Daddy always said that wasn’t true.

“He hasn’t decided yet, so I need you not to say anything, but I want you to know because I want you to understand that  nothing could ever change how much I love you and need you in my life, especially you being little.”

“But why d’you need me, Daddy,” Clint asked, tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes. He brushed them away and wished he could be with Daddy (even if Bucky had to be there too).

“It helps me to take care of you, baby. It makes me feel safe and needed and like I’m a good person. I don’t always feel those things.” But Daddy was perfect. Why would he ever think he wasn’t good? Or that people didn’t need him? Everyone needed him, especially Clint.

“I need you,” Clint mumbled, putting his thumb in his mouth.

“I know baby. I need you too.” Need was different than love, Clint thought. Love could be broken. People who loved each other still hurt each other, sometimes Clint thought people who loved you could hurt you the worst (not that Daddy would ever hurt him). But if Daddy needed him he wouldn’t get rid of Clint. He couldn’t get rid of Clint.

“Love you, Daddy.” Clint said, feeling calmed. Daddy could need Clint and Bucky - Clint needed Daddy and Phil. Daddy could love them both, probably, because Daddy was really strong and really good and he just wanted everybody to be happy.

“I love you too, lovebug. I think it’s time for bed. Do you need me to come get you?” Clint thought about it a minute, rubbing his lip with his damp thumb. He was supposed to go up in the morning, anyway. He was little right then, but all he was gonna do was sleep. It would be better with Daddy, probably, but he could sleep okay with Phil when he was little if he needed to. And Clint knew that Daddy would come get him if Clint wanted him to, he definitely would. Daddy had promised that a long time ago. But maybe Clint could be generous like Daddy was generous, maybe it could feel good to help someone else in a little way. He could let Bucky have Daddy for another night. Clint could see Daddy in the morning.

“If I stay here can I come up for breakfast?” Clint asked, yawning.

“Of course you can,” Daddy assured. Clint yawned again.

“I’ll stay here, then.”

“Okay buddy. You go get ready for bed. Don’t forget a pull up, kay?” Clint blushed but mumbled a yes. “Good boy. Can you give the phone to Phil?”

“Yeah, just a minute.” Clint got up from the couch and found Phil, already in bed, wearing his glasses and reading. He looked up when Clint entered and smiled. “Da- Steve wants to talk to you.” Phil’s smile flickered for a moment, catching Clint’s close miss, but he brought it back and held his hand out for the phone. Clint gave it to him and went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. Pull up on and covered with sweats, Clint went out to join Phil in bed.

He lay on his side and was startled when Phil curled up behind him, gently stroking his arm. Clint was usually big spoon in bed and they didn’t touch quite as much when Clint was close to little or wearing his protection. But tonight Phil was pressed close, and Clint could feel his chest press into his back and Phil’s breath on the back of his neck.

“Sorry you had a hard day,” Phil said softly.

“S’okay. It’s just hard - y’know, to share,” Clint said softly. They rarely talked about any of this, and if they did, they usually did it with Steve who always had the right words.

“I do know,” Phil murmured. “I was so jealous when I came back and you had Steve. I was sure that you wouldn’t love me as much anymore or that you wouldn’t need our relationship. But that wasn’t true. We need so many different kinds of relationships in our lives, and all sorts of love too. Sometimes one type makes the other better.” Clint blinked. Phil did know, maybe more than anyone else could what this felt like. But Phil said it was okay - and it had been because Clint would never give up on Phil or Steve for the other, he just wouldn’t. And if Clint could manage that, Steve definitely could. Clint relaxed back into Phil, secure in his arms, and fell asleep.

*

Clint was stupid nervous in the morning when he went up to Steve’s. Phil had to go in early to the office and couldn’t walk him up but Clint knew JARVIS was keeping an eye on him. His head felt like he’d been too long on a tilt-a-whirl at the circus, and he sloshed between headspaces and feelings and thoughts faster than he could even keep track of them. He’d barely spared a moment to change out of his pull up and brush his teeth that morning before darting for the elevator. He wanted to see Daddy. He wanted to see Daddy _bad._ But he was afraid maybe Daddy was mad or disappointed but he just didn’t want to say so on the phone. And Clint didn’t know what to say to Bucky because that was hard and his heart was confused and his stomach was all knotty and Clint couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

He knocked on Daddy’s door, wiggling in place. He felt weird, because he didn’t usually knock when he came to play, but he didn’t know if that would scare Bucky and even if he didn’t really like Bucky, that didn’t mean that he wanted to scare him. Clint was a nice boy, Daddy said so. When Daddy opened the door he had a sort of confused look on his face.

“Baby, you don’t need to knock. You know that.” Clint shrugged and wiggled in for a hug. Daddy hugged him good and tight, which made most of the sad-bad-mad feelings go far away. Daddy picked him up which was good. Clint loved to be carried. He peered over Daddy’s shoulder. Bucky was sitting on the couch, watching them with big eyes that looked kinda scared and sad. Daddy sat down next to him and put Clint in his lap. Clint snuggled back, glad that he got to have Daddy’s lap.

“Alrighty boys, I think there are a couple things we all need to talk about together.” Clint whined. He didn’t like having to talk and Daddy was probably gonna make him talk about his feelings and that was really hard and he always cried, even though he was a big boy and he shouldn’t. Clint peeked over at Bucky. He was all red and his eyes were watery and he was biting his lip so hard it was bleeding. Clint didn’t like blood. He looked away quick. “First, Bucky has something to tell you Clint. I need you to listen and stay calm, can you do that?”

That sounded scary. Daddy only Clint he needed to be calm if he probably wasn’t gonna be calm, but Clint nodded anyway. He probably could stay calm, sitting on Daddy’s lap with Daddy’s arms around him. Bucky took a minute to talk and Clint wiggled, a bit impatient, but he remembered that Daddy said that sometimes it was hard for Bucky to put all his words and thoughts together.

“I got really mad,” Bucky finally whispered. His voice was so quiet Clint had to lean in a little to hear him all the way. “And - and I, uh - I broke some of your - your things. I’m really sorry. I’m sorry.” Bucky was crying which made Clint feel all wiggly inside. He didn’t like when people cried. Clint quick looked up at Daddy, because he felt wiggly but he also felt mad because those were his things and he didn’t want them to be broken or for Bucky to even touch them really and what things were broken? What if his blankie got hurt?

Daddy put a hand on Bucky’s back and rubbed like he did for Clint when Clint was upset. But he kept his other hand on Clint’s back. It was good that Daddy had two hands, Clint thought as he leaned into the touch.

“What things?” Clint asked.

“Some books and blocks,” Daddy answered quietly. Clint’s throat got achey, because what if his rabbit book was broken? That was his favorite book - that was the book that Daddy read to him first and made it okay to be little and the book when Daddy told him he loved him and Clint needed that book, he needed it. Daddy smiled, and like he knew exactly what Clint was thinking, said “Velveteen Rabbit is okay. I already ordered replacements for everything that got broken.”

Oh, that was okay then. They were just things. They were things that Daddy had gotten him and they were important, but not as important as Daddy and Clint. And Clint didn’t need things to know Daddy loved him, Daddy told him that all the time and gave him hugs and snuggles and didn’t get mad when Clint was naughty or had accidents, and so the other things didn’t matter so much. Clint looked back at Bucky. Bucky was still crying, real quiet like Clint did when he didn’t want anyone to know he was crying. He looked really sad and scared. Clint knew what it was like to feel those things and to not know if you would feel other things ever again and he didn’t want Bucky to feel like that. He didn’t want anyone to feel like that.

“S’okay Bucky. M’not mad.” Clint said, all soft like Daddy sometimes talked when he meant something a whole lot. Clint put his thumb in his mouth, because he wasn’t Daddy and he didn’t have words to make hurts go away and he didn’t want to mess up his words. But maybe he hadn’t because Daddy and Bucky smiled at him - Daddy real big and sunshiny and Bucky small and watery.

“What good boys,” Daddy praised. Bucky blushed and Clint’s insides got all squirmy, but a happy kind of squirmy, because he loved it when Daddy told him he was good. “Now we have to talk a little bit about sharing and about making new friendships, okay?”  Clint whined a little, because he didn’t _wanna_ and he pressed closer to Daddy. But he wanted to be good for Daddy, that’s all he ever wanted, so he nodded a little and sucked a little harder on his thumb.

“I know you’ve both been feeling pretty sad, because it feels like you might be losing me, is that right?” Clint got a little teary and nodded into Daddy’s side. “That’s a really scary feeling. What I want you to know is that I love you both very very much and I’m not going to send either of you away. It makes me so happy when you’re both here. It makes me even happier that you get to be here _together_ because I think you could be really good friends.” Clint looked up a little at that. He hadn’t thought about being _friends_ with Bucky, just about having to share Daddy with him. But Bucky had been kinda fun yesterday - he’d played with Clint and colored and napped with him. Those were things Clint usually only did with Daddy. That made them sorta-friends already, kinda. Daddy kept talking and Clint pressed his ear to Daddy’s chest, to feel the words rumble through him. “I think you might find out that you can have a lot of fun together and even like each other. I know it feels hard right now, but I promise I’ll be here to help.” Clint felt something in him settle, because he needed to know that Daddy would be there to help him. Clint couldn’t do things on his own anymore, not now that he’d had Daddy to help him. It would hurt too bad. Clint glanced up at Bucky who was biting his lip and looking at Clint through his lashes. Maybe Bucky felt the same way as Clint?

“Do you think we can try to be friends, all together?”

Clint could try for Daddy.

 

*

It turned out having Bucky around wasn’t bad, not at all. Daddy still did all the same things he’d always done - he gave Clint baths and tucked him in and read him stories and gave him cuddles and played with him and made his favorite foods. And Bucky was kinda fun. He was scared a lot at first, especially before he decided to be little but Clint remembered what it was like to be scared all the time and he didn’t want anyone to feel that way and he could help Bucky.

It was nice to be helpful because for a long time Clint didn’t feel like he could do anything for anyone. He still wasn’t as good an agent as he’d been before and he wasn’t a good friend to Natasha. And Phil and Steve still had to do a lot of things for him that Clint could have done before. But Clint could do things for Bucky. He could show Bucky the best ways to build lego towers and how to make cars out of k’nex and where all the toys were put away and how to roll up the rug to use as a tunnel for cars. Clint got to show Bucky the best ways to fingerpaint and that Daddy didn’t mind if they made a mess. He could teach Bucky that it was okay to ask Daddy for anything, because Daddy loved them and wanted to take care of them and that it was okay to trust Daddy to take care of things that were hard and scary.

Bucky could play when Daddy had to do boring grown up things like make dinner or do laundry or talk on the phone, so Clint never had to wait to play with anyone. When they took naps, Clint never had to sleep alone. And Bucky understood things that even Daddy didn’t understand - he understood what it meant to be scared of your own head, that everything might be taken away and that you might hurt everyone around you and not be able to stop. Bucky knew what it was like to be embarrassed because you had accidents and you couldn’t help it, but it was still awful because you were big and you were supposed to be able to stay dry.

Clint really, really liked having Bucky around, once he realized Daddy would always love them both.

A couple weeks after Bucky had decided to be little, Daddy and Bucky surprised Clint with presents. Clint loved presents, they were his favorite thing in the world (after Daddy and Phil and food and Bucky). They were really special presents too. Daddy got him a book about being a big brother and Bucky got him a t-shirt that said he was the best big brother and Clint kinda cried because he’d never been a big brother before and he hadn’t even known he was doing it but it was true, because Bucky was his brother. Clint loved Bucky and he was hardly ever jealous of Bucky anymore (even if Bucky did get to live with Daddy all the time - Clint got to live with Phil some of the time, so that was okay). And Clint thought that he’d never been happier, because he felt good about himself for the first time in a long time.

Maybe it hadn’t been enough to just have a Daddy, maybe Clint had needed a brother too.

 

_fin._

 

.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, kudoing, and commenting!  
> Come see me on [tumblr!](https://imdefinitelyyourcat.tumblr.com/) (No, seriously. Come see my teddyvengers).


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